Brian becomes romantically interested in someone and it inspires him to use Stewie's time machine. Strange consequences result from their journey.

Peter tries to protest Hollywood after learning that Brad Pitt was cast in a biopic about a politician. After Pitt injures himself on set, Peter must act out the role himself.

Stewie and Brian become overwhelmed after winning a coffee shop. Peter and his friends annoy Meg at her new lifeguard job when they don't follow the pool rules.

Peter and his friends wonder aloud about what their dream jobs would be. Peter enters a sequence a la James Bond, where he goes by the name Band and has to fight his nemesis, Blofella (aka Stewie). Quagmire reflects on his job as an aerobics instructor in the '80s, which was his dream before he got run out of business by Jane Fonda. Cleveland and Joe take part in a Lethal Weapon sequence, where together they complete a drug bust.

Lois joins Chris's school as a substitute teacher, launching him into the cool kids club... but only time will tell how long he remains a member.

When the Griffins win a trip to Maine at Peter's company picnic, they decide to invite their friends on the vacation. Tensions run high and things soon spiral out of control when the cabin burns down.

Lois decides to sell the family's television to help pay for Christmas presents, but when Kevin James gets upset over losing Peter as a viewer, he apparates into the Griffin house.

Meg discovers her tears produce delicious cookies, and her, along with her siblings, enjoy a profit until the success makes her too happy to cry. Meanwhile, Peter and the guys launch a "male talk show."

Winner of a Snapple contest, Lois uses her winnings to take Meg on a tropical vacation. Flaunting their wealth, the two are kidnapped. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian undergo "friendship therapy."

Stewie tries to civilize his half-brother, Boston Stewie, so that he may be adopted. Meanwhile, Meg and Chris start a venture in which people online pay Chris to sit on and smash cupcakes.

Peter is emasculated when, on their anniversary, he abandons Lois amidst a shark attack. Meanwhile, Stewie finds a mini fridge and lives the dorm lifestyle.

Peter and Lois vacation in Florida, only to discover they've rented a condo in a retirement community. Back at home, Brian helps Stewie take his first shower.

When Peter loses the Griffins' home in a reverse mortgage, he and Mayor West travel to confront the man advertising the scheme, Tom Selleck. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian open a booth at the flea market, leading to a rivalry with Bruce.

With the brewery under construction, Lois implores Peter to take a new job, but grows irate when he begins work at the grocery store. Meanwhile, armed with his police stories, Joe and Brian team up to write their own true crime novel.

Meg agrees to be Bruce and Jeffery’s surrogate causing a pregnant Meg to annoy her family. But, when the couple fails to pick up the baby, the Griffins must take care of their new family.